hello, dear heart

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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
resmeae
one-abuse-survivor

Abusers have human sides to them too.

When abuse, whether real or fictional, is talked about in media, one of two things usually happens. The abuser is either completely dehumanised and painted as an evil caricature, or given a tragic backstory that makes the victim feel so sorry for their abuser they end up forgiving them.

And I think this is part of why it can be so hard to believe we ourselves are going through abuse. Because when it's you going through it, you see the human side of your abuser too. You see them cry, and laugh, and overcome adversity, and be vulnerable, and feel scared and small. You see them struggle and you see them genuinely try to spend quality time with you, and you see them show the ways they love you. Sometimes, you can even see that they mean it when they say they love you.

And because we've been taught that "actual" abusers are all bad, heartless, merciless, and lacking in humanity, and everyone else is just a suffering person who hurt others because they were hurting inside, we think what we're going through can't possibly be abuse. We think we're exaggerating, or being weak, or selfish. We punish ourselves for not being more understanding of what they're going through. We convince ourselves we're making it all up and we're the monsters in our own story.

But we're not. We're just not used to acknowledging that abusers are human, and that their humanity does not negate their abuse.

If you've ever questioned your abuse because your abuser was struggling, or genuinely loved you, or was trying their best, or expressed conflicting emotions, or was abused themselves, this post is for you. I believe you. I believe what happened to you was abuse. Their circumstances did not justify their actions.

I believe you, and you are not alone.

muchymozzarella

The thing is, abusers ARE human, they have hopes and dreams, they could be good people and learn to be better

But their victims have NO obligation to care about any of that. They can if they want to - I know many people who reconnect with past abusive parents who have learned and grown.

But that is the victim/survivor's choice to make, and nobody else's.

Their only responsibility is to themselves and their loved ones. Their own safety. Many other people may try to insert themselves into the dynamic and feel one way or another about it, but the one who survived that abuse is the one who has the final say about their own lives.

And if you've experienced abuse, you do NOT need to feel guilty about complex feelings about an abuser, or even simple feelings - whether it be forgiveness or anger.

Your choice to forgive, or to never forgive, or to wish you could but feel like you need to hold out - they are all valid and they all matter because they're YOUR choices and that's the most important thing.

You are your own person who can make your own choices. Nobody should take that away from you.

All I can say is that I hope you stay safe and be well.

abuse tw healing the wisdom of tumblr
teddybearbackpack
knitmeapony

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letter from a mother of a gay man. sent to ONE magazine, 1958.

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This post was flagged as adult content and the original poster was deactivated so I'm bringing it back.

disaster-revolutionary

“Mrs R” was the pseudonym of Phyllis Shafer, a Kansas City local who helped found the Phoenix Society for Individual Freedom in 1966, a full three years before Stonewall. Throughout the 1960s and 1970s, she and her son Drew operated the Phoenix House, a safe haven for queer people in the city, and a hub of national queer activism. Drew passed away due to AIDS related complications in the 1980s, and his lover, Mickey Ray, spent the rest of his life fighting to keep his memory alive, largely contributing to the creation of the Gay and Lesbian Archive of Mid-America.

screenshot lgbtq+ history
mother-entropy
vincentbriggs

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Here are some (not very good) photos of me wearing it! I'll have to get some better ones at my parents house later, because there is absolutely no good space to take photos in my apartment.
I don't have any other 1830's things to go with it, and don't currently have plans to make any. I just wanted this dressing gown specifically.

Anyways! There are 6,957 triangles, all sewn together by machine, but most of the actual garment construction is by hand. The unevenness from all the patchwork seam allowances made it very fussy, and the tailoring took at least twice as long as it would have in a normal fabric. The velvet was also a challenge, being the soft drapey wobbly kind, but I managed.
I accidentally made my triangles a bit smaller than the ones on the original (C. 1835, Powerhouse Museum collection.) which means there are more triangles than there had to be, but that's ok. I really enjoyed doing the patchwork, it's the most wonderfully soothing brainless task ever and I will definitely make more patchwork things.

I'm very happy with how it turned out! It's comfortable and fits pretty well, and is warm but not excessively so.

I kept timesheets for everything, and I haven't added them up yet, but once I do I'll know exactly how long all of this took.

I also filmed it, but the youtube video won't be out for quite a while, because I still have to write and record some more stuff and then edit a very very very very large amount of clips.

mother-entropy

oh my GOD.

so this project has crossed my dash here and there, and i've felt strong curiosity about the outcome each time...but by god, my ADHD sure do pack a punch and i never remembered to follow up on it.

i cannot describe the elation i am feeling at seeing it fully complete and on you!

quilting 1830s fashion historical sewing projects patchwork amazing technical sewing and tailoring so glad to see this complete!!!